


Everything's an Illusion

by moose_dumpling



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cancer, M/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-13
Updated: 2014-07-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 15:12:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1945908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moose_dumpling/pseuds/moose_dumpling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek deals with Stiles being diagnosed with cancer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything's an Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Everything's an Illusion by Mayday Parade.

Stiles was dying.

Cancer, end stage, terminal. He was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, but it was too late. It started with a constant cough that kept him up. The doctors said “come back if it gets worse, or persists with the antibiotics.” He was on antibiotics for over a month, and got sick. They tried new medication, but it didn’t work, and after a while, Stiles eventually became resistant to the antibiotics.

Things were not looking good.

When his lymph nodes started to swell, Derek took him back to the doctor, who then proceeded to say, “You probably just have a viral infection. Get lots of rest and keep hydrated.” It worked, and for a while, Stiles seemed to be getting better, until the abdominal pain set in. It was so unbearable that Stiles couldn’t eat or drink because it hurt so badly, and he eventually lost a large amount of weight.

Derek couldn’t stand it anymore. His wonderful, glowing ball of crazy had been diminished to a lackluster, pale substitute. He took Stiles to the doctor yet again, and this time they decided to run some tests. They poked, prodded, and scanned Stiles for weeks, until they finally had their results.

It wasn’t pretty.

They started chemotherapy and radiation, hoping to stop the growth of the never-ending lymphocytes that were ruining his immune system, but nothing worked. After several weeks of treatment, the cancer was deemed inoperable, metastasizing in his thymus gland, disabling him from fighting against any diseases that came his way.

 Derek stayed by Stiles’ side, never leaving unless necessary. He couldn’t. The thought of being away from Stiles for even one minute was devastating. After a few grueling months, Stiles went into a coma, and Derek realized that he was losing yet another person he loved and was unable to stop it.

Stiles could see the pain in Derek’s eyes whenever he walked into the room and wished he could chase the pain away, but he was too weak. He cherished the few lucid moments he had with his partner; it meant the world to him, knowing that the person who loved him the most in this life would be the one sending him off.

It was getting harder and harder for Stiles to fight the pain.

Nothing was working, and some days he wanted to kill himself just to stop the pain, but couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Derek before he absolutely had to, so he fought.

Weeks later, after an extremely horrible lapse, a hospice representative came to talk to them about their alternatives. Derek wanted Stiles to stay in the hospital where the medical staff would be there at a push of a button when needed. Stiles, on the other hand, wanted to go home, to sleep in his own bed with his partner without the damned wires and constant beeping, whooshing, and whir of the machines.

Derek relented, only wanting Stiles to be comfortable and happy. Three days later, Derek brought Stiles home and took care of him with the aid of the nurse who came to help once a day. Stiles was still in pain, but seemed to be in higher spirits at home, surrounded by the soft warm tones of the house as well as Derek at his side.

Three weeks after returning home, Derek didn’t wake up to Stiles gently running his fingers through his hair with a small content smile on his face.

Stiles had gone silently in the night with Derek holding onto him.  

“Sleep well, baby,” Derek croaked out as the tears silently streamed down his face. Derek didn’t let go until the nurse found him curled around Stiles’ body an hour later.

Derek couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak.

His everything was gone; it all felt like an illusion.

Derek couldn’t sleep, always wishing that Stiles was still by his side.

He spent hours trying to get out of bed and do something each day, but he never got very far. Most of his time was spent at Stiles’ grave. He would talk to his love, asking, begging him to come back; he just couldn’t let Stiles go. His heartbreak never got easier, and he grieved for months, unable to live without missing Stiles.

It got easier when he took up drinking.

The alcohol dulled the pain, making everything fuzzy and warm at the edges, like how Stiles had made him feel.

The alcohol made life bearable.

That was when Scott came to check up on him and found him passed out on the floor in his own vomit. He forced Derek to sober up again, but still nothing helped. He missed Stiles, and nothing made the pain hurt any less.

Years after Stiles passed away, Derek was starting to act human again.

He slept more, finally got a job, and visited Stiles less. He never forgot about him, but he was learning to deal with the pain and trudge forward in his miserable existence. He was never the same after Stiles, but he wouldn’t trade the pain of losing him for anything if it meant never having met him.

Derek left a single flower at his grave once a week, and after a while, he honored Stiles’ long-time request to “use his words” and left him a note along with the flower. 

_To my beloved Stiles,_

_I am going to be honest with you in these letters, something I regret I never truly was when you were still here. I loved your quirkiness, your bright smile, and crazy ideas. I wish you were here by my side, trying to get me to smile and try new things._ _I will always remember you as the one who saved me from myself and taught me how to live for myself. I can’t sleep without you by my side. My heart is broken, but I know that we will meet again and you will fix my heart like you did all those years ago. Sleep well. Always know that I miss you and I will never forget you._

_Yours truly and entirely,_

_Derek_

 


End file.
